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Before signing the contract which will sell your soul to me, please fill
out the following form.
Satan isn't omniscient like some others we know.
What is your full given name?
What is your email?
What is your zodiac sign?
What is the year you lost your virginity? (So we can find you on our records)
What was your former religious affiliation?
Do you have any Heathen and/or Immoral ancestors?
(so they may greet you on your arrival in HELL)
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Yes
No |
How many sins have you committed?
(For identification purposes if the soul if mutilated beyond recognition)
| REQUESTED REWARD | PRICE |
|---|---|
| RICHES | burn candle to pagan god every sabbath for 10 years |
| FAME | dance on graves at midnight every halloween for 5 years |
| LOVE | burn unblemished heifer's heart on satanic altar |
| PROGENY | one (1) child sacrifice |
| POPULARITY | laugh loudly in cathedral during prayer |
| WEIGHT LOSS | genuflect before Satanic image thrice daily for 6 months |
| PERFECT SKIN | sacrifice faux fur coat |
| END TO CK1 ADS | assassinate one (1) famous French fashion designer |
| JUST ONE GOOD RESTAURANT | paint-pellet the pope |
| ABSOLUTE POWER | human sacrifice once every seven years |
| MICROSOFT | X--sold out--X |
| DONUTS | occasional swearing |
| WILD SEX | dance naked under a full moon in a chalk-drawn pentagram, chanting hymns and adorations to satan |
| SURROUND SOUND HOME THEATRE SYSTEM | become a telemarketer |
| GOOD GRADES | adopt a demon familiar (black cat) |
| DEATH OF HATED ACQUAINTENCE | two weeks required service of dark lord every year |
| A GOOD JOB | X--only given by God--X |
| MAGICAL ABILITIES | study alchemy and ancient pagan rites |